Jeff and I went to Cancun, Mexico for a week. It was so much fun. It takes no getting used to being together all the time without the kids. No interruptions, no work, no distractions. Traveling together, experiencing fun new things. Beautiful weather, the ocean, the beach. Have I said enough? It was GREAT!
When we got home it took a lot of getting used to again. Taking care of kids non-stop. The constant interruptions, the whining, the diapers, being woken up, trying to teach them while they give you every signal they're not listening or interested. Cleaning the house and doing laundry. Jeff going back to work. All the responsibilities in our church callings. Coming back to winter.
It got me thinking. I love my children, I love being a mom, but there are a lot of things that go along with it that I don't love. I let my thoughts wander to what it would be like for Jeff and me if we had decided not to have any children. It really isn't too hard to know what it would be like because we have known some people who have chosen just this. I would have been able to work while Jeff was in medical school, and we would have ended up with a lot less debt. We'd have more time and money to travel and hike and snowboard. I can imagine this, and for a moment it seemed very appealing.
But then I realized there would be extreme challenges that would go along with this. The heartbreak of never being a mother. We'd be used to being together, just the two of us all the time, and might get tired of each other. There would be loneliness as we aged.
I think while we are here on earth there is nothing that is simply Great by itself. (minus the Atonement and gifts of the Gospel) Everything seems to be attached: good times and hard times. There are a lot of things about being a mom that I don't love. And I'm ok with that. I'm not going to try and pretend that I love every moment. I can still love being a mom, and be a good mom, and admit I don' t like hearing my kids complain and being woken up in the middle of the night.
It's just a fact I can't have the moment where Finn giggles and giggles at me, and says "ma ma ma ma ma," without having the moment where he won't be content and he screams and whines.
Then as the week went on I realized this principle applies to almost everything. Even our trip to Cancun. I didn't like getting ready to go, I was exhausted and mentally taxed to my limit trying to remember everything . Traveling wasn't really that fun. But sitting on the deserted beach watching the moon rise with the humid salty air filling my lungs. It was worth it.
And when I think about my choice to be a stay at home mom, I feel the same: It IS worth it!
2 comments:
Well said. I feel like I have those very same musings all the time! (Usually when Jack decides to throw a fit, or not eat, or dump milk all over the floor).
You look so beautiful in the Cancun picture! Sounds like a lot of fun and I love your thoughts on momhood.
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